EcoYogini shares on being judged....
Last week I bought apples. Not any ole apples, but ORGANIC apples. Honestly, I spent, it felt like, HOURS standing there debating whether I should actually purchase these exorbitantly expensive apples or settle for "Canadian" apples, or suck it up and have no apples until next weekend when we could get to the Farmer's Market.
Finally, I decided that my health needed fruit, I was buying non organic bananas cuz the organic bananas looked like shit so I would splurge and purchase three expensive organic honey crisps to last me until (this) weekend when I could get to the market.
I know there is this entire movement trying to impress upon Nova Scotians that buying local and organic is not actually more expensive.... but it is. Andrew and I don't make boatloads of money, but we do have boatloads of debt (all "good" but debt nonetheless) so we need to be careful about our grocery choices while keeping somewhat healthy. It's a tricky balance that often results in some Kraft Dinner once or twice a week (Kraft Mac&Cheese for the Americans peeps).
While at the checkout we make a bit of small talk with the cashier. Honestly, we always make small talk with the cashier. Well, not like weird creepy customers, but mostly we make eye contact and smile which results in the cashier saying stuff to us. To which we answer. It's all very Maritime-y (and probably "small town" ish even in a city like Halifax).
Then the cashier scans the apples. And says something... which I missed and had to say "pardon me?"... to which she repeated loudly: "These better be good apples" in a disgusted voice.
Honestly, at this point I thought she was referring to the fact that they seemed to have a few bumps on them. And I said "yeah I know, eh?" (ps- Canadians don't say "eh" after every statement. Please note that "eh" is really only a "right?" confirmation replacement. And not every Canadian says "eh". Personally, I acquired "hey/eh" while living in Montreal and spending every waking hour with my best friend (ex) who's from BC who uses it).
Back to the apples. The cashier then repeated "No, I mean these apples better taste amazing considering just how expensive they are"+ the.most.judgemental.look.ever. It was like I was looking at my MOTHER, the way she was looking at me and JUDGING my apple purchase. I had no idea how to respond. I mean, how do you respond to that without telling the lady she's being a judgemental d-bag? I think I smiled sheepishly and just said something about "oh yeah, those organic apples ya know". To which she made another disapproving comment about just how expensive they were and we moved on.
But I left there feeling like crap and a little stupid about my choice. Part of it is the embarrassment of being fortunate enough to have the money to buy organic produce. Cuz they WERE really expensive. I do think part of my psychological makeup is influenced from growing up in an uber blue collar, practical, we didn't have a ton of money and scoffing at those other fancy schmancy people who did, family. Honestly, I feel a bit guilty even though we aren't at all in a great financial place.
Another part was the agism. It's not like I'm that young anymore, but often older women tend to treat me as if I am a silly child. Part of that is my bubbly, not so serious personality. Part of that might be because I don't have children of my own. It's annoying as hell though.
And finally... I hate being judged for my environmental choices. Yes they cost more, but Andrew and I make sacrifices and educated decisions about where we spend our money. Stop judging us.
And those apples are effing DELICIOUS.