Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Night Before Giftmas

'Twas the night before Giftmas, and all through the house
All the creatures were merry but for one little grouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney in wait,
But the grump that was grousing had a major complaint.

“The presents look festive snug under the tree,
But I can’t help but notice there’s not much for me.”
Me in my bathrobe, and Dad in his pants,
Just stared at her blankly, as she started to rant.
She yelled and screamed and raised such a fuss,
And pondered out loud “What’s the matter with US?”.
“My friends all have presents and presents galore.
There’s not enough here – I hope I get more!”

Dad looked at me, and I looked at Dad.
And both of us felt like we’d done something bad.
We thought we were doing our child a favor
By decreasing the volume of crap that we gave her.
And we tried to be kind to the planet, in fact -
By purchasing things with the smallest impact.
We shopped mostly local and made our own gifts,
We bought vintage on Etsy and procured at the thrifts.

And now our small child was a panicking mess
For the lack of Barbie in a sparkly blue dress.
“I think that you’re missing the point, little one
More is not better, too much is not fun.”

But our darling young sprite would not let it go
“Santa will bring more – this I just know.”
And I looked at Dad and Dad looked at me
And I motioned in silence to meet by the tree



I whispered to him “Maybe she’s right –
What if we run out real quick tonight?”
“The mall is still open, we could get a few toys
Wrap them from Santa and give her some joy”

Dad nodded and said “It would be a shame
If she thought Santa shorted her. Ok - I’m game”
So after our angel was snug in her bed,
With visions of plastic toys dancing in her head,
I grabbed my keys and sped off to the store
To buy her the Barbie, some minions, and more!

There wasn’t much parking, the stores were all packed
I wondered what on earth these people all lacked?
They were surly and rude and none of them merry
Their arms were weighed down with all the gifts they could carry.

I pushed and I shoved through the throngs in the mall
I glared at the shoppers – I hated them all.
I’m not sure how I got caught in this last minute dash
But before I knew it – I had spent all my cash.

But I found that Barbie with a convertible car
And I got her an EasyBake, a bike and guitar.
I kept right on shopping till wee in the night
Then I went back home to wrap the delights.

But while I was wrapping things ever-so-nimbly
I heard a strange-something come down through the chimbley.
I went to the living room, bat in my hand
Ready to pounce on whatever should land.
Imagine my surprise when out of the flue
Stepped a fat guy with a sack – well, I’m sure you know who

“My dear”, said the jolly, fat, elderly elf
“Put that bat down and get a hold of yourself.
I came to spread cheer, I heard the girl cry
And I had to come down to find out just why.”

“Don’t worry Santa, I’ve got it all fixed
I went out to the mall and got her more gifts.”
I tallied them up – and there’s presents aplenty
When we add yours to ours we should have more than twenty!
I’ve wrapped them up and they’re snug under the tree,
So Christmas is saved, thanks to little ol’ me.”

“My darling, you’re wrong” was his blatant rebuff.
“Christmas is not about buying them stuff
Christmas is giving that comes from the heart
It’s not some piece-of-crap plastic that came from Wal*Mart”

And with those words, he turned his fat back
And pulled one teeny present out of his sack

I looked at him and my jaw dropped a bit
“You’re leaving JUST ONE? ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT’S IT?!”
He just gave me a wink and then went to his sleigh
And I watched in stunned silence as he flew away.

But I heard him exclaim, as he rode away fast,

"It’s not the presents you count, it’s the blessings, you ass!"

~ Merry Giftmas from The Coe Family

3 comments:

Green Bean said...

Ha ha! I love it. Great revamp on a classic of a classic. THIS is the Christmas spirit.

daisy g said...

That is FANTASTIC! Passing this on to all who can appreciate it! Thank you!

Lock Smith said...

I was very pleased to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post. melange yarn

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